The changes I’ve made

…. It’s been such a hectic year I still have to process it all. This is going to b an entry over a few days, probably month, so bare with me for a second.

Relationships are never only 100% cloud 9 all happy go lucky and all that. There are fights, compromises and all these things as well and you will normally get out of it stronger then when you started. And then there is those relationships when it all just goes wrong and down south at some point.

You try to make it work, both of you agree to get help, work on yourselves and you as a couple, and still the past will always be circling above your head like a cloud cause one of you cannot let go and say let’s have a new start, we talked, we agreed to try, now let’s start new.

And after a few months that go by, one person gets isolated, has to walk on eggshells so the other person does not get jealous, does not flip out and is barely allowed to have any contact with people outside the immediate family, which means the part we, the partners family and the kids and that is it. Of course sooner or later it gets to much for the partner who is held back and there is a decision  that person has to make: can u keep living like this? What is best for the children that are involved? Do the children deserve to be in a relationship like this? Or do they need to see that one can get out if this and start a better and new life?

For me it took a really long time, more then a year, to geht to the point where a decision had to be made. And believe me, the first step was huge. And I mean huge. Emotionally huge and draining cause, for myself, I never thought I’d do that. And after that big WTF-did-I-just-really-do-that-moment had passed, it took a day and a half, and after I fought with myself about the decision I made to go through with everything I was ok.

Not nearly happy, or singing or any of that but, I was ok and I was so busy for one week with appointments and people pointing me in the right directions to get the help /we need that I truly feel that we are going to be fine.

This was one week ago and there will b more to come about my journey later on….

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German gal living and loving life in WA State