Two days have passed as of today and my heart does not feel any lighter than it did before. The first night was really bad for me, I dreamed of the funeral, me being there, lots of people and as I woke up in the morning my pillow was all wet and I found out, I cried in my sleep. That’s a new one…. But when I woke up I could feel the pain I felt when I was dreaming.

Now I had a chance to think about all my options for a bit, and I think I have made a pretty clear decision. I am waiting on a very important document in the mail since last week; and if that will arrive by latest today I will be packing my things and be on my merry way to Germany to tell my grandma goodbye in person.
I haven’t had a chance to do so when grandpa died out of the person problems we/I went through back then, but this time I would be able to go and say goodbye to the best grand parents I could have ever wished for. And so I will do exactly that if the fates allow.

Everything else is taken care off and I got everything organized and thought through twice so nothing will happen, or go wrong while I am gone, and then it’s only up the airline to get there and back in a weekends time frame.

Is it doable? Oh absolutely. Will I be alright? No; but I will be tons better if I get to say goodbye and be there and see her for one last time.