This is something that hit very close to home when I read this earlier and it is not a very pleasant topic to talk about for most of us.
Because one thing is clear, just because he does not hit you, does not mean he is not abusive toward you. I sadly have been on both ends, the emotional and physical abuse, and it is never very pleasant to talk about what happened to you. Even when you need to to get some kind of case going against your abuser once you finally decide to break the circle and get all your strength together for that most important step in your future life.
So, while I was just reading through some things I came across the #MaybeHeDoesntHitYou on twitter and women who make themselves heard and give some voice to the emotional abuse as well because, lets face it, for most the emotional abuse is ‘just life’ and ‘just what happens sometimes’. Since all of these hit very, very close to home and are in most cases the exact thing I went through, I will pick a few for you to read and hopefully have a better idea how bad the ‘little things’ can be as well.
- …he threw a huge raging weeks long fit cause you cut your hair ‘without his permission’
- …he throws a tamper tantrum when your phone dies and he cannot reach you, don’t know where you are but does not care if you have to walk home alone
- …but there is always the feeling that he might when he gets angry, so you bend over backwards to fix things just so he’ll stop
- …cuts off the perceived little things you enjoy, like a tv show, teams/games, music…
- …he wont let you go home or see your friends very often or not at all
- …he makes sure you believe you are broken and too damaged to ever be wanted by anyone else
- …he likes you insecure and breaks you down whenever you get too confident
- …he makes you feel like all your emotions are stupid and makes you apologize for them
- …he makes you hide parts of yourself to make him feel comfortable
- …he takes away your sources of power or happiness, leaves you alone and empty. Then he convinces you it is your fault.
I have been through all of those, plus actual physical abuse which at the end always was ‘my fault’ as well cause after all I was the one who made him angry or ‘should have known better’. It took me quite a while to break out of this and I am so very happy I did. It’s been a long road and if you should ever feel like you cannot talk with your partner about it or need help in your next step if you should be thinking of leaving the relationship, you can get help by calling the Domestic Partnership hotline at 404-873-1766.
German gal living and loving life in WA State