… is a rather marvelous thing. And although I love life, my man, minions and try to look at the world with rose colored glasses so to speak, but still a thinking head on my shoulders, I have days where I feel like it’s not going too well.
Those self doubts arise ouy of nowhere, or of a somewhat important question asked in an important conversation and then not receiving anything after you gave your answer. Something the other person doesn’t do on purpose but it rings all kinds of bells in my head and throws me into self doubt big time.
“What have I said?”, or “Was what I said an ok answer to their question?”, or even “Maybe I shouldn’t have answered that at all with what I thought..” are only a few of the questions and self doubts that immediately come over me and get worst with more time that drags on. Then my stomach goes all crazy and I don’t know what to do.
Of course I did explain right away and ask with that to be acknowledged so I know it’s ok, or you are still there.. Something like that. But mostly, let me know its ok that I have my own opinion.
Yes, I am aware that to most people this last sentence sounds funny and weird and you might even ask why wouldn’t you have your own opinion? but after my last relationship, and how it all went down, believe me when I say, I never showed or talked about my opinion what so ever. Simply to make life easy, bareable and to not cause any fights.
So yeah, while the man in my life now is the most wonderful I could have ever asked for, I am still not without all these old demons. Although they show up less and less….
So while I do feel I need to get it off my chest while just giving you a glimpse into my crazy emotional life, I give him the quiet and recharging time he needs and (now a tip from me to you if you will) while I mostly write him love notes here and there this is something I also communicate through thise notes when I still have to get it out but don’t need to, have to or want to disturb recharge time for him. It’s an amazing system we worked out this way and he’s always her for me as I’m there for him to acknowledge the space we all need at times.