…is when my brain is going all sorts of crazy; mostly when I just sit around in my yard (as I did earlier, enjoying the evening breeze while having my face buried in a book), looking about what I have accomplished already, the plans I have drawn up over the weekend and the most wonderful things that are still to come and come to think that I’d really enjoy sharing these days/afternoons/nights/moments with someone. With friends. With people you got to know over the years while we were making Washington our home. And yet, living a bit further out of the city limits, where it’s quiet and most people have to make an effort to come by to see you, that is when you ~again~ find out who wants to see you, who is your friend, who cares enough to get into their car and drive for a few minutes.
For me, it is a battle with my introvert nature as well. Every time. Again and again. But, as I wish for some company at days and then, at the same time, the other me, the introvert me, is happy when I have my place to myself again after people left the building so to speak. It’s a struggle that is all too real and I bet some of you know as well.
Then I start bitching to myself or the better half (thank you, babe, for being there and always listening to my various, small, all over the place, out of nowhere rants) and it can happen that I get all wrapped up in it and if I am not careful enough I start this whole downward spiral which I have a huge problem of getting out of again. So I am fighting against the feeling of wanting people over (friends and not just acquaintances; which I have more of here in WA than the aforementioned), wanting to be alone and not losing my sh*t so to speak toward anyone or anything that is coming my way while I am in one of those moods I have here and there on nights like these. It is something I am always working on, having to remind myself of not to lash out to the kids cause they want something or can’t read my mind or whatever else it is that might happen right then and there.
Most effective is cleaning though. I start cleaning. The house. The kitchen. Redoing the yard. Rearranging furniture. All these fun things just so I am busy, getting my mind off things that bother me cause fact is: I cannot change it anyways!!
And with this, I wonder what helped other people out there? What do others do to get out of their headspace? What is the ‘magical thing’ that always works? And don’t tell me “make new friends” ’cause, sad to say, I have the biggest problem with people, a new crowd, going out, talking to strangers, meeting strangers and the list could go on and on lol I am too frigging self-conscious and not at all full of that wonderful, amazingly self-confidence the better half has and which is one of the reasons I love him so dearly for.