So, this is me. Unkempt, not really awake (but trying my best to look it), coffee brewed and in front of me and to be totally honest, already on the phone, checking emails, scrolling through my IG, quick glance to FB, resisting the urge to TikTok right away or I start a rabbit hole downward spiral I wont come out for a few hours and today’s goal was, in all honesty, to be on the road already on our way to fun hikes and exploring the world.
But reality is looking more disheveled, boys are still sleeping, and I am deciding to start writing.
Was this a good idea? I am not quite sure yet. Will wee see what comes out of my slightly crazy, whack brain at this time of day? Damn right we will.
New Decade, new possibilities, more anxiety, more weird and random outbursts of laughter and then sitting back, being a hermit for 2 weeks cause you interacted with people in real life for a few hours: All this and more will not disappoint in 2020 either. I can promise you that.
My single life now marches steady toward the 12 months mark, and it’s been rather nice and quiet without all this relationship, playing second fiddle and being second or third choice rather than the one one wants to spend his time with. I admit, it took the brain this time a bit longer to catch up to the realization of this than it took the heart but, when it came down to making the final decision I discovered that it was just me talking me into thinking this. If that makes sense to you!?
Then life took a real big turn, change and it threw me out of my usual shenanigans for now at least 6 months: My oldest married, moved to another State and this house underwent a huge change with that. After 19.5 years of living with my permanent ‘room mate’ and seeing this amazing kiddo grow into an even more amazing grown up it’s been a journey! But I am so damn, frigging proud of her and her hubby!! My heart is definitely full when it comes to my minions and the life changes we all went through that least year of that last decade.
Dating is getting harder and harder though the older you get. You know, that I am aware that I am a mom (shocker if I wouldn’t though, right!?) but boi, that does not mean that I need or want to find a ‘dad’ for my kids. You will be part of this family if it should get serious, you will therefore be a role model for these boys because you will eventually life with us or at least spend more time with us and not only me, and yes, you will eventually encounter me in ‘mom-mode’. But: don’t think it’s ok to just ‘date’ for 7 weeks (yes, very specific number but boi, this number never failed haha) and then remember that you ‘can’t be with a mom’ or ‘don’t know what you want really’.
And with this, the dating rant officially ends cause it’s not really worth it but rather laughable at it’s best.
So 2020 I ditch everyone my friends try to hook us up with because I will find the person I am meant to be with when it’s time for it, on my own. I embrace my weird and awkward side more, start the adventures again with this beautiful yet rainy af day and just see where the road will take me. Bringing this beautiful traveller soul back into alignment with my heart, mind and the rest of this crazy life!!
Forever having a gypsy soul with a traveling heart in this life and I wouldn’t change it for the world!